Well that happened today. The morning was great and flew by. We got new seats on the carpet and at our tables, which is always kind of exciting. When we came in from recess and went to lunch, we kind of lost it. People couldn't calm down and by the time Ms. Moulton came down to the dining hall, the look on my face must have said it all. The afternoon went downhill and Ms. Moulton was over it, too. The amount of talking and just lack of attention was ridiculous. It was like we were at the beginning of the year again. I was ready to go home, but little did I know, the fun had just begun.
Scrapbooking was fine, although I feel like a few of them have stopped really doing anything in their scrapbooking. Oh well. As long as they aren't causing trouble, right? After Scrapbooking, we all head to Course Coaching, which went really well yesterday. I was optimistic going in and ready for another great day.
Course Coaching always starts with them handing me their planner so I can write down all of their homework so I can check it off as they finish it. I saw that my two seventh graders, JA and JR, had to write an essay for English about a role model or someone that inspired them. They both said they had finished, but my rule is that you still have to show it to me so I know you actually finished it. Both refused at first, saying it was private and personal. After a little prodding, JA read hers out loud to me and JR. They weren't supposed to actually name who it was because we're supposed to guess at the end, so I never found out who she wrote about, but I'm almost positive it was a singer.
When I asked JR if I could read hers, she flat out refused. I asked her if she wanted to read it to me and that was another no. JA was sitting there too, which made it worse because then I couldn't back down and let JR win. So then, it started to turn into this whole big thing. I joked with her and was like "Oh my gosh! Did you write about me? Is that why you don't want me to read it?" knowing very well it wasn't me. She just looked at me like I was crazy and muttered that it was about her sister. She kept saying how personal and private it was, which I could understand. These kids have been through a lot and I know it's tough to talk about. Who knows what was in that essay. At this point, she had moved to a different table away from JA, so it was just me and her. I told her that if she wanted to read the not-so-personal parts to me so I could make sure it made sense (plus that helps her just to read it out loud), we could do it that way, but she still refused. Nothing was working with this girl. At this point, I couldn't back down, because then she would never give me an English essay again. I've never had to give JR a demerit for anything. She does her work, she's on time, and she never causes any trouble. I told her that for every minute she didn't give me her essay, she would get a demerit. After three minutes, that would be a sign-in. We got to three minutes and I was just shocked. Getting signed in is for things like cursing, peer insults and complete disrespect. Not for anything JR ever does. I texted Danielle to see what I should do, hoping she would have some advice I could use, but before I knew it, she was up in the room.
She worked with JR while I helped MO and JA. I could hear her having the same conversation with her and finally just asking her for words she wasn't sure of how to spell. I could hear JR sniffling and by the time it was all over, I could feel myself getting upset. JA is supposed to be the difficult one, not JR. JA and I have argued a lot, especially during morning reading, but JR has never argued. Not once. When Danielle was walking out, I followed her into the hallway and before I knew it, I was crying. I can't have two of them against me. It's challenging enough walking the fine line with JA, but if JR is not on my side, then JA certainly won't be.
Danielle ended up staying in Course Coaching while I went down to the office to recover. Erica was there talking to another teacher, Steve O'Connell, who was a team leader last year. When I walked in to get a tissue, Erica saw how upset I was and Steve jumped out. Erica has this way of making you feel so much better about any situation. I know how ridiculous it is that just one little argument with JR can bring me to tears, but I can have month long fights with JA that never upset me. She knows exactly how it feels to be a CM with challenging kids and reassured me that it's completely fine. It shows I care, which is so true. JR is such a sweet, calm, funny girl and until today, had been a perfect angel. It kills me that this happened.
I don't know what tomorrow's Course Coaching will be like. I'm sure it's going to be an interesting afternoon. I'm sure there was nothing so personal in the essay that I couldn't read, but it was the fact that she isn't that great at English. I know she's easily embarrassed and I'm sure that having me critique her essay was not something she wanted, but that's all the more reason I should do it. That's the reason I'm here.
I don't like that this post was so negative, but I guess it's just one of those days. When people ask me what it's like to work in an inner city school, I always tell them "There's at least one time every day where I want to cry, but there are at least 100 where I can't help but smile." The fact that one of my first graders who's way below grade level reading wise is flying through our math stuff makes me smile and reminds me exactly why I'm here. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. One of the coolest parts of being a CM is watching my students overcome their weaknesses. I know JR can overcome this and I'm just waiting for the day where we have a breakthrough. We have six months. I just hope that tomorrow is one of those 100 smile days and not one of 100 tears like today.
I just finished this book about a horse who was bought for $80 and ended up being the national champion. I read this quote this morning on the T as I was heading to school and little did I know how relevant it would be to today's day of service.
"Never give up, even when the obstacles seem sky-high. There is something extraordinary in all of us."
- The Eighty Dollar Champion: Snowman, the Horse that Inspired a Nation
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